Life Lately

I have recently neglected this blog here, though this has not been my intention. I very much want to come here and continue to spew off my thoughts on this crazy live I am living. Lately though, I've been hard a work and blogging in another place.

Because I started a business. Heather Todero Events.

This has been a month chock full of trial and error. And lots and lots of learning. SEO. Didn't even really know what that meant until a few weeks ago. Creating a website? Other than this blogger account and myspace years ago I hadn't really customized anything. Now I've built one from scratch weebly.

The thing that strikes me as so amazing during this process it the willingness of others, friends, family, strangers, to reach out to show their support to me. Incredible, really.

I feel busy, like really busy again. But it is in the best of busy ways. That exciting, pulse racing, busy. Adrenaline filled hours spent researching and networking and stepping outside of any boxes labeled "comfort" because that's what life is about isn't it?

We can't just live in this comfortable little bubble of a life--what fun would that be? Day in day out the same? Not for me, not in this one life that I get to live.

I am growing. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

I'll be back here again, don't worry. But I am working my hardest to post two blogs a week over on HT Events' blog so you can find me there too.

And today, it is rainy and lovely. And I'm baking and reading and digesting on this Monday off of work.

Enjoy!

How Marrying an Extrovert Made Me Realize I'm Not One

I can't be sure if it is my age or the fact that I'm smack dab in the middle of my first year of marriage but lately I've been having lots of "Aha moments" as Oprah would call them. From being better (albeit far from perfect) at keeping a tidy(er) house to feeling more confident in me and my mind and my body to just generally having an "I've got this" feeling about life. Light bulbs seem to be coming on left and right (too bad they don't bring our electric bill down hehe).

Growing up in Residence Life I came to love personality tests, getting a Masters in Counseling I came to understand them even better. However, I either answered the questions thinking about who I wanted to be or I just fell a little more into the extroverted side of the spectrum and that is the label I wore proudly. After all, I was a student leader, I wanted to be seen as a competent supervisor--and I was.  But the label always felt wrong. Like it just didn't fit right.

I graduated. Moved in with Vince. Married him.  And that boy is an Extrovert.  He is the life of the party and he loves to party. Of course does, extroverts thrive on that kind of thing. And for the most part I can jive with that.

I like being center of attention--sometimes.

I like parties--but often talk to a small group or individuals most of the night.

I love public speaking and get a serious charge from it.

I sometimes love my days off where I have the apartment all to myself for 10 hours and I don't even leave it at all that day--that replenishes my soul.

Vince gets antsy when we just hang out here on a weekend. He wants to be out and about, social, doing something, anything. And that made me think about me being an extrovert but maybe just a little "e" extrovert compared to his big "E" extrovert.

And then I watched Susan Cain's TEDtalk on the Power of Introverts and heard the term AMBIVERT. An ambivert is a person who comfortably embodies characteristics of both extroverts AND introverts.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

It all makes sense now that sometimes I want to stand in front of a crowd collecting gold stars and other times the very thought of it makes my skin crawl. That strangers tell me their deepest secrets and I feel comfortable listening and helping them process their messy stuff and sometimes, ok with friends always, I'm okay with my own overshares, but other times I lock it down in a vault to process.

I'm an ambivert.  And good news, ambiverts are pretty powerful. And beneficial in sales....missed calling? Are you an ambivert, take this quiz to find out where you lie on the scale. 

Have you taken the MBTI or another personality assessment?  Did it fit like a glove or like your pants fresh out of the hot dryer? Does having only a dichotomy of options to fit a person seem too restricting?

Productive Day

Today I have been having one of those rare "get on that already" spurts. I put together this terrarium in container I found at Chic Antiques.

I taped over the black electrical tape on pur wedding sign. It was needed to blend in for our ceremony but stuck out terribly on our creamy walls. White blends in much better.

I bought this oval mirror at an estate sale probably over a year ago. I loved the oval shape (seriously, I'm an oval addict. Help!) and the gold detailing, but it was in bad shape. The gold part was practically detached from the main frame. It had dust in all of its crevices. And the mirror was in serious damage of detaching itself and thus shattering all over the place. Rough shape I tell ya! I cleaned her up, reattached the gold detailing, shoved so,e tough little glass holders into place while only slightly butchering my pointer finger in the process. And cherry on top of it all: I hung the pretty little thang up to show her off!

Our map fell off the wall, command strips used to be so reliable but not of late. So his new home is resting on top of our bookcase. Which I cleared off the top off and arranged some details on it. 

I also moved around my gallery wall a bit. But can't get one frame back together... How is that possible? The backing just won't go back in and I got frustrated so it is currently sitting on the table awaiting Vince's handiness to fix it. So I'm off to do dishes and vacuum. Who wants to come organize my closets? They need a come to Jesus moment--STAT!

Gotta love random Tuesdays off of work! 

Questions Laced With Opinions

I've always heard that as soon as you get married people will start asking you about babies. And truth be told people feel entitled to lots of information about you from the point of becoming engaged. So this is nothing new. But what I've really realized is that no matter what your response to these deeply personal questions, the other person undoubtedly has an opinion on said response.

And this can be hard. I remember my cousin, when she had her first baby, becoming so upset because she was overwhelmed by all of the "advice" being thrown her way. I say "advice" because its damn hard to just let things like that to roll off your back because of course you want to do it the RIGHT way, its your child! How do you filter the helpful out of the panoply of bullshit personal anecdotes? (Still not sure how you've done it Kassie, good work!)

While we aren't pregnant yet, there are many people that have strong feelings either way about a life change that effects exactly 3 people personally. Me, Vince and future baby Todero. And to be honest when people tell me that you must do A, B, C and have X, Y, and Z together pre-baby I just want to say, "EFF off. It is oddly not your life that this impacts. I got this."

Alas, I don't. Because that's as rude as the others. And my momtaught me to always be nice to everyone; even, or maybe especially,  the jerkwads.

Now I'm not sure how even got on that little soapbox. I really was coming here to talk about houses. And how everyone has an opinion about houses, not the state of my uterus.

By everyone I mean me. I am biased. I was fortunate enough to grow up in beautiful houses (thanks Mom  Dad!) and I vividly remember the look in friends eyes change when the came into our house and saw how nice it was.

It was like I Moved up a rung on the silly middle school social ladder because my my parents worked their tails off to afford a nice roof over our heads and my mom has a killer ability to make houses look great. But I liked that feeling.

And now, we are married. And we are renters. And when we moved into this apartment we got a lot of "oh you aren't buying...That's cool."

Um, did you know houses are expensive. And you have to have thousands of dollars saved to really do yourself justice in buying.  We just aren't there yet. And I'm more than okay with that. 

I fear becoming house poor. I look at homes o  Trulia and yes the are beautiful and a lot have mortgage payments equal or less than our rent payment. And I'm afraid to tell people that I don't want a BIG, impressive home that instantly people will bump me up their cool ladders because we own what they think is a status symbol.

I want a small house. One that I can clean top to bottom in 2 hours. Even more I want a house that we live in all of the spaces, not just some if them. And guess what future hypothetical children, I want you to share a room. Because in life it is so important to learn how to really live with someone. 

So there. I said it. I'm gonna have babies when we are ready and when we buy a house, you probably won't be wowed by a picturesque 4 bed, 3 bath and 18 living room home. I want to learn to make a beautiful home with less.

Comfy, cozy. Modest but beautiful; another lesson I'd like hypothetical daughters to learn. 

What questions do you feel people ask you with their opinion in mind before you respond? How do you make sure you follow your heart rather than Person X's advice? Do you live large in a small space? If so I'd love to hear about it!

Junk in My Trunk

I drive around 300 miles a week for work and with other people in my car the interior generally stays clean (ok, usually there's 5 or so water bottles and a couple fast food bags in the back) but my trunk....

Yea. Its a disaster. Full of (4 grocery bags) of garbage, (7) books, tennis rackets and balls, laundry supplies, leftovers from a (unsent) care package, jumper cables, two drink containers that need to go back to my mother-in-law, and a lot more crap.

I bought three bins from Marshalls for $7.99 each? Cleared the garbage, and threw everything in bins based on catergory. Since I did this on my lunch break, there are still items that will be removed but here's my trunk organization as it currently stands in pictures.

Does your trunk need a spring...errr SUMMER cleaning?

A Full Weekend (in Instagrams)

My weekends off are a treasured treat for me. You see, I work for a company that has a seven-days-a-week program, so I work almost every other weekend. This schedule, though certainly not ideal, does afford me some pretty cool benefits. Like having this Monday morning off until noon to read and write. Having random week days off which lead to high productivity on things like housework and laundry and grocery shopping so that my evenings (that I'm not working late of course) are mostly free to do what we like.

But weekends like this past weekend, where we have a whole Saturday together to just drive and explore, to just be. Those are a amazing. And since they don't always happen even monthly when life is busy with events, the rare occasion for them makes them wonderful.

Here's this weekend in photos:

My Grandparents celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary. They are in Iowa so I couldn't be there but was there in spirit as they renewed their vows and cut a cake. It was precious (I saw a video!)

Vince and his brother hung and decorated our office shelves...this is temporary.

Some prints for our gallery wall picked up at the Berkley Art Bash. Husband loves them.

We found the (second) largest tree I've ever seen. The homeowner insisted she take a picture of both of us in front of it. 

I made four dozen M&M cookies for V's cousin's graduation party.

I also had the assistance of my sister-in-law Miranda as we baked 8 dozen oatmeal raisin cookies. I didn't take any photos for evidence of how I made a major math miscalculation that resulted in me QUADRUPLING the recipe. But they were delicious and it's always fun to have sister time while baking :)

Sunday we headed to Grand Rapids and had this lovely HUGE hole happen to our tire while on the  interstate. Thank goodness we were able to maintain control. 

Thanks goodness he's super handy (thanks Father-in-Law for making sure he knows how to work on cars!)

We also got to see this cutie and a whole bunch of other family. 

So that was our weekend as seen through our Instagram feeds! What did you do this weekend?

Happier

Can I first acknowledge my failures. I posted nine pretty little posts of the 31 that I was supposed to for Every Day in May. FAIL. I was in such denial about this that I did not even read any of Jenni's posts after I bailed on it, I just let them build up in my reader and then on June 1st "marked all as read" because facing them was hurting my ego. Oh well. I tried, I got almost 1/3 of the way in.

But really, I just got busy with life, and my anxiety had increased as I had mentioned in this post, so I stopped. No shame in that. Those anxiety times are exciting times. I gained yet another sister (one of the best things of marriage is the ever growing family). And she made the most gorgeous bride ever. Check out this picture that my very talented sister(in-law, but who's counting?), Michelle, took of Arianna. Stunning, right?

So with the wedding being busy, family being in town, trying to maintain the carefully cultivated mess that is our apartment while also still working our normal full-time 9-5 (psh, I wish I worked regular hours)--life got crazy.

In any case, I feel rested and happier after some actual "weekend" days on Monday and Tuesday this week. And after yesterday's Big Idea I have spent my morning off today sipping on some Earl Grey and reading to my hearts content about things to fill in my Big Idea with several smaller ideas.

And though my idea yesterday isn't really based on the big "H" word Happy, that's what I've been reading about today. First I was reading a little about The Third Metric conference hosted by Arianna Huffington yesterday, which you should check out because there is some good stuff there, then I went back to one of my favorite bloggers Aidan at Ivy League Insecurities and dug through some of her archives on being happier, not Happy. Seriously, check out this post, You Are Not Happy, and this one, I Will Be Happier in Twelve Weeks. She's great, and she makes me think. And I like that.

In fact, I miss THINKING. "Oh, Heather doesn't think anymore," that's what you're thinking now. No, of course I think. But since I am not in school anymore, I don't have that constant intellectual challenge unless I seek it out myself.

And that makes me wonder: at this age, this post-grad school-we are all in new jobs-slowly spreading across this county-taking on new roles-being adults life that my friends and I live in now how do we make sure that we continue to grow? How do we make sure that we are enriching our minds and our knowledge base? 

And even more, how do we stay connected? How do we grow our connections?

And through it all, are we living our lives to be happier?

The Big Ideas

Do you ever get those Big Ideas.

They seer into your brain in an instant, your mind chasing down all of the possibilities and potential for how to make it come alive.

Your belly is fire-filled with excitement and anticipation. 

Eagerness for the idea grows and you want to shout it from the rooftops.

But a bigger part of you wants to savor this feeling, protect it inside of your mind and heart alone so you can foster it without the second guessing nature that comes with speaking our dreams aloud to others.

These are good, no great, moments.

Its been a while since I had one. Until now. Just minutes ago.

Its fresh and fun. Thrilling even.

I'm savoring this Big Idea until I can flesh it out with details. And then I will share.

But for now, I had to come here and jot down this feeling.  Just let someone know that my heart is racing fast and my mind is running wild.

Do you have these experiences?  What Big Ideas have you had lately?

5.15 day in the life

It is May 15th. I last blogged on May 10th. Failed at EVERY day in May. But 10 days was a good run and well, why waste those. I'm jumping back on the wagon and here's your super exciting look into my day:

7:30: Vince's alarm wakes me, he snoozes, we go back to sleep
8:00: Alarm goes off again, we should get up. Lazily get ourselves together for work.
9:45: Arrive at work, drive clients around and do things. Get Starbucks along the way, the (female) barista tells me my dress is the prettiest she's ever seen.
12:15: Lunch. AKA spend time in InDesign trying to figure out the program.
1:30: Back to work, more shuttling of clients, nothing exciting here today. Help a client prepare taco salad for dinner then off early, yay for short days!
5:00: Home. Back at InDesign. Opened all the windows because it's a sauna up in here. Watch some Revenge because I'm addicted.
6:30: Husband is home from work, we're eating leftovers. Spend some time loafing.
8:00: Back to InDesign. Decide to re-join Every Day in May. So here I am.

I'll probably watch at least one more episode of Revenge, loaf a little more, and then crash. Maybe on the couch. Don't judge me.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life. 

5.10 (on 5.11) most embarrassing moment

These are my witnesses to this tale.

To pick just one moment that I have made a fool of myself is very, very difficult. First, I am very clumsy, second, I have a faulty filter and say what I think 99% of the time. But alas, I will tell but one tale that is not totally mortifying but is quite funny.

In 2008 I moved to Michigan to and embarked not just upon Graduate Education, but also Hall Directorhood (it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to!). As part of this experience I joined team of a handful of other new grad students and we were thrown together in a week long training. We covered the basics but also were encouraged to get to know each other personally as Residence Life is a beast like none other and you have to work together very well and it is easier to function as a team when you trust the people you work with.

On about day two of knowing these fine new friends we were walking from lunch to one of the other HD's apartments to grab something. We all are looking classy, dressed up in our business professional clothes as we were to be meeting with some University officials that day.

Here's me, in a cute little dress and heels of the low variety. Walking along the sidewalk my heel strikes on the edge of the concrete and the tumble begins. I take a couple of faltering steps, everyone gasps and reaches out, relaxes as they think I catch my balance. A couple larger and even more faltering steps and everyone freezes in panic unable to help the inevitable. Finally I swan dive into the grass beneath a tree. All the while all I can think is "please, God, don't let this dress go over my head so they can see my butt, I'm only wearing a thong!"

No one knows what to do. They've known me for such a short time they do not yet know of my two left feet.

I roll over laugh. Dust myself off as everyone else finally laugh and help me up. One other HD notices not only did I scuff myself up a bit, but also I had broken my dang shoe.

So embarrassing. But, they learned a lot about me in that one dramatic fall to the ground. That I could and would get up when I'm down, usually laughing as I do it.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life. 

5.9 moment of my day (and my anxiety)

Today was a busy day of driving around for work with nothing especially exciting.  On top of that I spent a large part of my afternoon with anxiety. Not anything concerning but I felt uncomfortable.

I won't get into all of the details but after talking with a friend I think the anxiety stems from a combination of several factors and is heightened by my dieting.

You see, I'm a hedonic eater, an emotional eater. My brain thinks that I will feel better by bingeing on some shitty food when I'm feeling stressed, sad, or even very happy. And truth be told it often worked or at least it wad satisfying.

Today my emotional eating consisted of only two munchkins (doughnut holes). TWO. Hardly satisfying to my desire to self medicate with pastries. But it was satisfying to have been able to exert control over what went in my mouth.

But, alas, I still felt uncomfortable.  Because I wanted to binge. Because I had feelings and eating is an easy way to fix them.

I chose control. And I am proud of that. But. Stomach butterflies/queasiness,amped up heart rate, and sweaty palms. Just uncomfortable.

And that's okay.  Discomfort can mean growth, today it does.

But my happy moment is now. My husband took me out to dinner (our 6 month wedding anniversary is tomorrow, how has it been 1/2 a year already?) and now we are on the couch. Watching Arrow. I'm blogging then reading The Great Gatsby. Then watching Grey's Anatomy.

Stress free evening. I may even have a glass of wine.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.8 dear heather (advice)

As a trained counselor I know that it is best not to lend advice to others but rather ask open ended questions to allow the other person to come to their owb conclusion. 

Buuuuutttt. This is my blog, not your therapist's office.

Soy advice to you is to try a little bit of everything.  I love trying new things, specifically projects.  I like to try new books. I suggest trying things, but if you get bored with it, quit it.

Now, I do suggest this primarily for hobbies. But I did do this with majors in college, too. If you count my initial declaration of major I had 5 majors in 4 yeads of college.

I do not suggest this for jobs. Unless it is extremely boring (or bad for some other legit reason) I suggest sticking the position out and looking for what yoy can learn from. At least a year.

But for the fun stuff, dabble.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.7 what are you most afraid of

I almost forgot to post today! I'm one week in, there's no going back now!

Rather than one thing I'm most afraid of, because I am kind of tired and really this is just one of those topics I don't reallt like to focus on, I'm doing an expanded list.

Not acheiving what I want or worse yet what others, especially authorities, think I should. Actually authorities being mad at or disappointed in me in general terrifies me. Sometime I will write about getting pulled over and and not being able to get my ID out because I was shaking so hard. And then crying. For 20 minutes after he gave me a verbal warning.

Not being able to have babies. A diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome is becoming more common and is said to be easy enough to treat. But having a "condition" thaf could take a situation that is already so dar out of my hands even further is scary.

Losing a loved one. We get so comfortable in this life with the people we love surrounding us that the idea of losing one of those people from my life permannently scares the crap out of me. I have been blessed to grow up with a large extended family including both sets of grandparents and great-grands. Their mortality, and frankly mine, I am in denial about.

That's the majors folks. There are probably others. Like touching snakes. Or reading the fortune before eating the cookie but those are insignificant for this discussion! Night, ya'll!

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.6 what do you do?

I do: work

Person-centered life.
Listening ears.
Helping hands.
Social integration. 
Behavior redirection.
Sharing fun.
Shared meals.
Paperwork.

I do: home

Dishes sometimes.
Laundry, usually.
Cleaning, occassionally.

We do life. Together. Imperfectly but happily.

Today I do this post from a pedicure chair. My lunch treat.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.5. Blog Adoration

My Google Reader (please don't go!) Is chock full of blogs. Most days I have 200+ new items but there are two or three blogs that as soon as they pop up I read them immediately.  Because I can't pick just one, I'm choosing three, Jenni said there were no rules in this challenge.

Also, I have never met any of the authors of these blogs but I sure would like to!

1. Aidan @ Ivy League Insecurities

Once, I commented on a post and she responded and I was so tickled pink it was a little embarrassing. Aidan writes about life, being a New Yorker,  motherhood, marriage, and whole lot of other wonderfulness. She keeps it real while also maintaining some privacy which I find impressive for a blogger. She also is a published author which I  think is pretty awesome. She has taken some time off recently but since she posts first thing in the morning most days she is often the first thing I read in the morning, and the fact that it is the first thing I put in my brain every day, whether it is something though provoking or just a snippet of life, I'm always glad I read it.

2. Rachel Held Evans

I stumbled upon Rachel's blog late last year when I was preparing to get married and having big questions abput what being a wife would mean and about my own faith and religion. Her posts are incredibly well researched, compassionate, and well-written. She has opened my mind to religion in a way that makes it okay for my to be critical and to ask why about things rather than the blind faith I thought was required to belong to organized religion. Check out her book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood, too it is a great read.

3. Young House Love (& Life)

John & Sherry are well known around the blogsphere because they do amazing house projects. They are very fun to read because they don't take themselves too seriously and feel like they could be your bff's so easily. There site is also incredibly well organized which makes finding projects from their archives easy peasy. I'm always wondering what project they will tackle next!

That's it! My top three blogs! Wouldn't it be amazing to someday be in someone else's top 3?

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.4 favorite quote

As for many people quotes, or more simply, words, have a profound impact on our thoughts. When I was a hall director every agenda I made had a quote on it. Sometimes it was serious, sometimes silly, sometimes I sould ask a staff member to contribute a quote. We would usually discuss the quote and try to apply it to our jobs.

At some point during my graduate career I felt as though I would never find The One, never be able to get married and have a family (this is normal for a 23/24 year old right?), never catch all of these big crazy dreams I had. Depressing. And then somewhere on the internet I found a little gem.

"You must try to become the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with."

I'm attaching the image too, full of beautiful two word mantras. I made it my wallpaper on my laptop and work computer.  It made me think about what I wanted, what would make no one other than me happy. I luckily was able to find the image again after losing it to my computer dying. I have passed it on to countless people and now I am passing it along to you.

This is important not just for the single gals amoung us, but for all of us. I mean how mad would you be if The One suddenly became The Boring One after you got married? The One loves me for who I am now, who I will become, who we are together. But that is because I learned to love me, and to feed myself postive mantras. And to be interested in things outside of myself.

And I'm going to keep doing so. For him. And for me.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

Garage Sale Season

It's that time of year where you see hand drawn advertisements popping up with the dandelions.  I plan to stop at some in the coming weeks in search of some bargain goods to fix up for our home.

I'm cheap folks. We bought our furniture full price, well on sale according to Gardner White, and guess what...I want mismatched furniture now! Not this perfectly curated to match business. Not this oay for 18 months because its crazy overpriced business.

Unfortunately,  or maybe fortunately,  the furniture has held up well for the 3 years and move that we have had it. And actually I'm not even looking for living room furniture so I will step off that soapbox. What I'm looking for at the sales of the garage variety are:

1. Patio furniture. Nothing big, couple of chairs, small table or even just a side table to set my coffee mug on. Also prefer a paintable option.

2. Side tables. I stole pur living room side tables to use as bedside tables. Now we have a tv tray as a side table. Just need one, and want something different than the run of the mill.

3. Shelves. Storage shelves, nothing fancy. 

4. Book shelves for our office.

5. Knick nacky bullsh*t. I would like to find a tall skinny-ish vase that I could spray paint. Maybe one of those little wooden drink trays. And whatever else strikes my fancy.

Not so much to ask for, right? Happy hunting to my fellow garbage, I mean garage, salers!

PS I'm also not above curb finds, I stalk our neighborhood trash mornings. No shame in my game!

5.3 uncomfortable

Today we are talking about things that make you uncomfortable. My most obvious of those are masks. Though I feel I have gotten better about it, I hate mascots. There is something so creepy about not knowing who is inside that costume and not being able to see their eyes.

Once at an Oakland U basketball game the Grizz came strolling our way while a friend and I were sitting in the bleachers. Now most people get excited about having a photo taken with these emblems of team spirit. And this particular Grizz wearer knew me and thought he was being friendly and coming to give me such an opportunity. But he didn't know about my phobia. I couldn't escape quickly enough and as he moved closer I hunched down and eventually fell off my bleacher seat. I guess that made him figure it out because he broke the code and revealed who he was to calm me down.
Another time my staff had gotten permission to borrow the costums for a program and I needed to one of my RA's a question. Now, she knew about my issue, but she didn't expect me to be knocking on her door. She opened the door dressed only in the bobble head and I took off running and screamed. Not the reaction she was going for but we were able to laugh about it afterwards.

I could keep going with times I felt so uncomfortable I had to bolt, my grad school alma mater loves mascots much more than my undergrad as I only encountered our pastor dressed as santa claus there in four years and saw the Grizz almost weekly at OU. But I will leave you with life's great irony.

My husband, bless him, is a nerd. He loves comic books, goes weekly to the comic book store to pick up the latest installment. He also loves Comic-Con. And he loves to build costumes. Including masks. Now of course I'm not freaked out by his costume. But you can bet that I will not be joining him at the convention,  even though he begs every time!

This month I will be participating in the Every Day in May blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.2: an education (take FREAKING THREE)

I'm not meant to educate anyone today. Twice I have tried to type an interesting and witty post. I tried to say I'm more a generalist than specialist, sampling all kinds of interests and hobbies, quitting them on a whim when I lose interest. 

Then, TWICE my phones autocorrect deleted all but one, fractured sentence each time. TWICE. So. I'm teaching you all to not rely on your phone being smarter than your brain, even if you are merely a generalist (Miranda Bailey is a generalist and she is a pretty amazing, although entirely fictional, woman ya know!). Autocorrect not only can lead to incredibly awkward texts referencing your best friends nipples sent to the very wrong person, it has happened, but also to extreme frustration by deleting an entire blog post. TWICE.

Better luck to me tomorrow.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge posed by Jenni at Story of My Life.

Me (in 250 words or less)

My story. My autobiography.  Growing up in small town Iowa I wanted to be a writer. I went to two young writers conferences, afterwards I was told authors make no money. Later on I wanted to teach. Then be a social worker. All of these are professions that were visible to me through the lens of a small town worldview and also one where money wasn't my primary goal. I moved from that small town to a larger one for college. I studied psychology, pre-law, teaching, and back to psychology.  (The pre-law sounded good and would've lined my pockets more but man were those classes boring!) I moved even further away, to a suburb of a big, broken city. I got a masters degree and got married. Now more than ever I want to reach into my heart for my work, even if that means pinching pennies to make the finanacial goals that we have planned. We. This is new, a fresh young marriage, full of incredible happiness as well as some tension as we learn what it means to build our forever together. Life: by trial & error. That is what I am doing. What we, together, are doing. What other way is there to do this? And so I write these words, here in this place where I make no money for it, and no matter how long it had been between posts, it is always rewarding. 

238 WORDS.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge posed by Jenni at Story of My Life.

People are Inherently Good

This post has been brewing in my brain for weeks, before Boston and before someone sent poisoned letters to politicians, yes. But we have been here before: 9/11, Newtown, Columbine. Terrible things happen in this country and all over the world that boggle my brain to the point that it feels like I'm playing Perfection (remember that game?) and someone has fiddled with the timer and I only have two short seconds to try to make all of the pieces fit.

They don't fit. We all ask why and I honestly believe that we will never know. Life isn't an episode of Criminal Minds or Law & Order. It can't be wrapped up in a pretty television 45 minute story line. I wish with my whole heart that it could.

With all of the terrifying things we see and hear it often amazes me how some people can have such strong faith in God. I have often been a skeptic because there are just too many things that seem to lead me away from religion but lately more than ever I have realized that while I don't agree with the politics of religion, I do have faith.  Faith in humanity and faith in their being an element of life beyond our control.

The last two days I spent at the Michigan Chapter of the National Children's Alliance annual conference in Traverse City. I was able to attend sessions with world renowned speakers. To say it was an excellent experience is putting it lightly. Many moments throughout the presentations inspired me, but yesterday a presenter said something that sunk deep into my soul.

Olga Trujillo had a TRAUMATIC childhood (join me in reading her book "The Sum of my Parts") but has done tremendous healing. She vocalized that she still gets nervous telling certain parts of her story and a major one is that she was angry with God.

Her realization in recovery is what spoke to me. I am sure this is not a direct quote because I couldn't write quick enough but she said something like:

"I began to understand free will...God is not a person who makes bad things happen to people. People have free will and do bad things. God brought good people into my life to help with the bad."

Powerful.  This woman was able to find the good in others when terrible things were happening to her in her home. After both Newtown and Boston I saw the Mr. Rogers quote about looking for the helpers during a crisis passed frequently around the internet.

But what I've realized in the past few weeks is that if you really want to see the good in humanity, you have to look for the helpers all day every day. For the man who sees you struggling with you grocery bags and without hesitation helps you to your car. To the Starbucks barista who, even though it is an incredibly early hour, serves you with a genuine smile and "have a great day, hun!" We need to stop looking for the bad in others and being fearful of it but search for that good. It is not hard to see when you are open to it. And it might just start to restore your faith.

From My Kitchen: Spaghetti Squash "Lasagna" Bake

Over the weekend my husband graciously baked up our first ever spaghetti squash. Holy smokes is it delicious! (In case you don't know how to bake a spaghetti squash, check out this link here!)  The first day we ate just one half of the fake spaghetti with some good old 4 cheese red sauce. We then wrapped up the other half for later.

This morning as I was cleaning our shower I was thinking about ricotta cheese. I had some left from the best frosting I've ever made (will post that recipe soon too!) and although I could just eat it from the container I figured I should probably go the grown-up route and make something presentable for lunch. That's when I remembered the squash. And lasagna. And spinach. And I just started measuring everything out and making a mini squash lasagna! And it was sooo good, and filling. And may just make it again tomorrow!

Spaghetti Squash "Lasagna" Bake

1 1/2-2 cups leftover spaghetti squash
1/2 cup spaghetti sauce of your choice
2 tablespoons chopped onion
1 cup baby spinach
2 teaspoons EVOO
1/4 cup lowfat ricotta cheese
2 tablespoons shredded parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 350º. Shred spaghetti squash to make your fake noodles, foodles if you will. In a small frying pan add oil and sauté onions. Once they start browning add spinach and cook it down. You can add some spices if you like (salt and pepper and anything that smells good) while they are cooking.

In a large ramekin add a layer of spaghetti squash followed by half the sauce then your spinach and onions. Add another layer of squash then your ricotta cheese. Add the rest of your sauce and sprinkle the parmesan cheese on top.

Bake for 15 minutes or until sauce is bubbling. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 5 mintes or so.

This recipe is only 6 points for all of its cheesy, saucey goodness! And now I'm in love with spaghetti squash...in the wrong season. 

If you make it and tweak the recipe let me know, I would love to make another yummy spaghetti squash recipe!

Nesting

Disclaimer: No I'm not preggo so don't get your hopes up Mom!

A week ago we got the keys to our new aparment. Yesterday we turned in our keys to 609. And had one final last dinner at Rainbow Chinese (we ate there three times in the last week, it is seriously the best chinese food and we will go back) which we will dearly miss the three minute walk there and that they know Vince by name and his exact order.

There are so many memories in 609 and painting over our palladium blue and leapfrog green walls was incredibly bittersweet.  It is crazy how four walls can house so many memories and become so familiar over two years.

Our first Valentine's day there we had no furniture.  Vince made a table and chairs from cardboard boxes. He bought candle sticks but no holders so he made one from cardboard and hot glue.  Steak dinner on cardboard furniture tastes better than Fleming's Steakhouse.

On March 31st, 2012 after several hours of joke proposals Vince popped the question right there in the middle of our living room. I called my dad from our patio and received excited congratulatory phone calls from friends and family on our couch.

We became a family there. Not just a couple who were dating but creating a deep love and trust for each other.

We had fights. I was messy. He didn't put the toilet seat down.

We made up.

It feels like a chapter of our life has ended and we are just starting to write the next one. Here in 3B.

But first I must deal with this. Build and organize this nest of ours. And I'm excited to do so!

On Moving

You know that point in the moving process where you'd rather wrap your head in several layers of packaging tape than build another box and fill it with all of your worldly possessions? I am so there.

My kitchen is 75%
My bathroom is 95%
My bedroom is 80%
My living room/dining room is 60% and that is only because there is less little things in them.

I'm so glad we live in 850 sqft and not some crazy big place. Oh wait,  if we did I probably would just hire people to come wrap my delicates in bubble wrap.

BUT I am super excited to move into a glorious 1100sqft 2 bedroom beauty. To be able to grill again--just in time for good weather to do it in. And Vince os excited to have a room to hang his Star Wars posters up in! Go us!

But really, if your bored, come pack a box!

Cleaning it up for Lent

Last night I had dinner with a great friend I met in grad school. Over flat bread pizza, mojitos, and a giant Fat Tuesday warm cookie we talked about life, love, and many of the details that those two encompass.

I left feeling entirely satisfied. Thays sounds odd but honestly I don't make enough time for just me and my girlfriends to sit and reallu talk. This is why we need girls nights. As women we constantly analyze everything and being able to share those with another person who isn't your spouse but who just gets it is truly a wonderful part pf life.

Ok that was a detour from my orignal post topic but is a is an important preface because last night she asked me if I was giving up something for Lent. I hadn't given moich thought to it before then but having thought about it both on my drive home last night and into work this morning I have decided.

For the next six weeks I will be eating vegetarian lunches.

Why? Because I eat crap for lunch. My days generally have my lunch periods at odd hours and often they are short. That meand that far too often I resort to fast food-overprocessed-junkonabun for a quick bite. And you know what, thats not acceptable.

My body and my health are important.  So for forty days I will focus on plant based lunches. Superfoods. Antioxidants.

That's about how long it takes to make a habit stick. Let's see how it goes. I jist had a delicious fresh salad from The Big Salad. Day One is a success.

Gender, Relationships, and Roles

Lately (read since before our wedding) I have been devouring information about gender and relationships and the roles that we all play when interacting with each other. Turna out there are some amazing writers out there, both women and men, secular and religious that have filled my brain with so much internal debate it had been spectacular.
After spending a solid 3 hours this morning pouring through article upon article and reading infuriating comments and several "yes, that's it!" ones I took a shower--because it was noon, and I needed to. While rinsing my hair I had a revelation: I have read so much, even passed along articles to friends, maybe I should join the virtual conversation.  And so, here I am. I will be sure the good, the bad, and (in my opinion) the ugly of what is going on out there here. Because it matters. And I will also be throwing in my two cents, even it's after everyone else who comes up with these brilliant articles writes theirs!

So have read anything good on gender/relationships/roles lately?

You Have My Heart

For the last few months I almost exclusively listen to Michigan Radio aka NPR while driving. Which is a majority of my week it seems. A couple of days ago after listening to yet abother foreign policy report that hadn't changed in days I had to change back to some regular tunes and landed on Mojo in the Morning's broadcast.

They were discussing cheating on your significant other and it dawned on me: I do not have one doubt in my mind that Vince will not cheat on me. And that my friends is an exhilarating feeling. It makes me feel so secure and wonderful knowing I married a loyal, honorable man.

But then ad they went on I realized that every man or woman blindsided by infidelity probably relished that same since of security in their relationship because thats what you do when you give your heart fully to another person.

You trust.

And trusting is scary when you have been hurt in the past. But if you dont have faith in the person sitting next to you, the one you promised to walk through life with, you are breaking down your relationship as well.

All of this I guess just made me realize that while we are still very much in the honeymoon stage of marriage,  there is no time like the present to live and love fully, to trust, and to continue to build each other and your relationship up.