5.10 (on 5.11) most embarrassing moment

These are my witnesses to this tale.

To pick just one moment that I have made a fool of myself is very, very difficult. First, I am very clumsy, second, I have a faulty filter and say what I think 99% of the time. But alas, I will tell but one tale that is not totally mortifying but is quite funny.

In 2008 I moved to Michigan to and embarked not just upon Graduate Education, but also Hall Directorhood (it's my blog, I can make up words if I want to!). As part of this experience I joined team of a handful of other new grad students and we were thrown together in a week long training. We covered the basics but also were encouraged to get to know each other personally as Residence Life is a beast like none other and you have to work together very well and it is easier to function as a team when you trust the people you work with.

On about day two of knowing these fine new friends we were walking from lunch to one of the other HD's apartments to grab something. We all are looking classy, dressed up in our business professional clothes as we were to be meeting with some University officials that day.

Here's me, in a cute little dress and heels of the low variety. Walking along the sidewalk my heel strikes on the edge of the concrete and the tumble begins. I take a couple of faltering steps, everyone gasps and reaches out, relaxes as they think I catch my balance. A couple larger and even more faltering steps and everyone freezes in panic unable to help the inevitable. Finally I swan dive into the grass beneath a tree. All the while all I can think is "please, God, don't let this dress go over my head so they can see my butt, I'm only wearing a thong!"

No one knows what to do. They've known me for such a short time they do not yet know of my two left feet.

I roll over laugh. Dust myself off as everyone else finally laugh and help me up. One other HD notices not only did I scuff myself up a bit, but also I had broken my dang shoe.

So embarrassing. But, they learned a lot about me in that one dramatic fall to the ground. That I could and would get up when I'm down, usually laughing as I do it.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life. 

5.9 moment of my day (and my anxiety)

Today was a busy day of driving around for work with nothing especially exciting.  On top of that I spent a large part of my afternoon with anxiety. Not anything concerning but I felt uncomfortable.

I won't get into all of the details but after talking with a friend I think the anxiety stems from a combination of several factors and is heightened by my dieting.

You see, I'm a hedonic eater, an emotional eater. My brain thinks that I will feel better by bingeing on some shitty food when I'm feeling stressed, sad, or even very happy. And truth be told it often worked or at least it wad satisfying.

Today my emotional eating consisted of only two munchkins (doughnut holes). TWO. Hardly satisfying to my desire to self medicate with pastries. But it was satisfying to have been able to exert control over what went in my mouth.

But, alas, I still felt uncomfortable.  Because I wanted to binge. Because I had feelings and eating is an easy way to fix them.

I chose control. And I am proud of that. But. Stomach butterflies/queasiness,amped up heart rate, and sweaty palms. Just uncomfortable.

And that's okay.  Discomfort can mean growth, today it does.

But my happy moment is now. My husband took me out to dinner (our 6 month wedding anniversary is tomorrow, how has it been 1/2 a year already?) and now we are on the couch. Watching Arrow. I'm blogging then reading The Great Gatsby. Then watching Grey's Anatomy.

Stress free evening. I may even have a glass of wine.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.8 dear heather (advice)

As a trained counselor I know that it is best not to lend advice to others but rather ask open ended questions to allow the other person to come to their owb conclusion. 

Buuuuutttt. This is my blog, not your therapist's office.

Soy advice to you is to try a little bit of everything.  I love trying new things, specifically projects.  I like to try new books. I suggest trying things, but if you get bored with it, quit it.

Now, I do suggest this primarily for hobbies. But I did do this with majors in college, too. If you count my initial declaration of major I had 5 majors in 4 yeads of college.

I do not suggest this for jobs. Unless it is extremely boring (or bad for some other legit reason) I suggest sticking the position out and looking for what yoy can learn from. At least a year.

But for the fun stuff, dabble.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.7 what are you most afraid of

I almost forgot to post today! I'm one week in, there's no going back now!

Rather than one thing I'm most afraid of, because I am kind of tired and really this is just one of those topics I don't reallt like to focus on, I'm doing an expanded list.

Not acheiving what I want or worse yet what others, especially authorities, think I should. Actually authorities being mad at or disappointed in me in general terrifies me. Sometime I will write about getting pulled over and and not being able to get my ID out because I was shaking so hard. And then crying. For 20 minutes after he gave me a verbal warning.

Not being able to have babies. A diagnosis of polycystic ovary syndrome is becoming more common and is said to be easy enough to treat. But having a "condition" thaf could take a situation that is already so dar out of my hands even further is scary.

Losing a loved one. We get so comfortable in this life with the people we love surrounding us that the idea of losing one of those people from my life permannently scares the crap out of me. I have been blessed to grow up with a large extended family including both sets of grandparents and great-grands. Their mortality, and frankly mine, I am in denial about.

That's the majors folks. There are probably others. Like touching snakes. Or reading the fortune before eating the cookie but those are insignificant for this discussion! Night, ya'll!

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.6 what do you do?

I do: work

Person-centered life.
Listening ears.
Helping hands.
Social integration. 
Behavior redirection.
Sharing fun.
Shared meals.
Paperwork.

I do: home

Dishes sometimes.
Laundry, usually.
Cleaning, occassionally.

We do life. Together. Imperfectly but happily.

Today I do this post from a pedicure chair. My lunch treat.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

5.4 favorite quote

As for many people quotes, or more simply, words, have a profound impact on our thoughts. When I was a hall director every agenda I made had a quote on it. Sometimes it was serious, sometimes silly, sometimes I sould ask a staff member to contribute a quote. We would usually discuss the quote and try to apply it to our jobs.

At some point during my graduate career I felt as though I would never find The One, never be able to get married and have a family (this is normal for a 23/24 year old right?), never catch all of these big crazy dreams I had. Depressing. And then somewhere on the internet I found a little gem.

"You must try to become the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with."

I'm attaching the image too, full of beautiful two word mantras. I made it my wallpaper on my laptop and work computer.  It made me think about what I wanted, what would make no one other than me happy. I luckily was able to find the image again after losing it to my computer dying. I have passed it on to countless people and now I am passing it along to you.

This is important not just for the single gals amoung us, but for all of us. I mean how mad would you be if The One suddenly became The Boring One after you got married? The One loves me for who I am now, who I will become, who we are together. But that is because I learned to love me, and to feed myself postive mantras. And to be interested in things outside of myself.

And I'm going to keep doing so. For him. And for me.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge hosted by Jenni @ Story of My Life.

Me (in 250 words or less)

My story. My autobiography.  Growing up in small town Iowa I wanted to be a writer. I went to two young writers conferences, afterwards I was told authors make no money. Later on I wanted to teach. Then be a social worker. All of these are professions that were visible to me through the lens of a small town worldview and also one where money wasn't my primary goal. I moved from that small town to a larger one for college. I studied psychology, pre-law, teaching, and back to psychology.  (The pre-law sounded good and would've lined my pockets more but man were those classes boring!) I moved even further away, to a suburb of a big, broken city. I got a masters degree and got married. Now more than ever I want to reach into my heart for my work, even if that means pinching pennies to make the finanacial goals that we have planned. We. This is new, a fresh young marriage, full of incredible happiness as well as some tension as we learn what it means to build our forever together. Life: by trial & error. That is what I am doing. What we, together, are doing. What other way is there to do this? And so I write these words, here in this place where I make no money for it, and no matter how long it had been between posts, it is always rewarding. 

238 WORDS.

This month I am participating in Every Day in May, a blogging challenge posed by Jenni at Story of My Life.